5 Ways Men are Better than Women

This post is brought to you by Amanda from Veglandian W fame. Well, I wrote it, but she requested it. So. There you go - I'm required by the class to write it. (Direct all hate mail to her!)

5. Better jobs

Only 12 of the Fortune 500 companies are run by women. That's like, a quarter of 1%. .024%. Man that sucks... if you're a woman! If you're a dude those odds are lookin' pretty fly, right?

4. Mo' Money

Holy shit this part rocks balls for men. According to the infallible Wikipedia, women only make 80% of what men make. That means, as a man, you can do the same job, whatever your qualifications, and get paid wicked cash. Or, that means you can be lazy and only do 80% of the work and still get paid the same! Shit dawg.

3. Way less drama

Everyone knows women be all like "OMG did you see what Stephanie just said!? I know right." (Or, ikr as womenfolk these days say.) Whereas as men, we're all "Sup dude? Word. Peace," because bros are way more chill than uppity bitches. (Remember, Amanda made me write this.) In fact, I bet there's going to be some uproar about this article, but if there was a "5 ways women are better than men" list, all the brosephs out there would just be like: "Whatever man, that's just like, your opinion."

2. Better chefs

Of 167 Michelin Stared restaurants in the UK, just 10 are the result of female chefs. Only 20% of chefs are female - why would these numbers exist if men weren't obviously superior? So, don't feel bad when you tell yo girl to get back in the kitchen, she clearly needs the practice.

1. Sense of Humor

Of the top 10 stand up comedians of 2013, wanna guess how many are women? I'll wait, that's a complex thing to consider man.

...None! In fact, on Comedy Central's list of top 100 performances, there's seven women, and that includes Joan Rivers, Wanda Sykes, and Rosanne. So, you know, the list is suspect. (Except Ellen Degeneres, she's mad funny. Props!)

There ya go. Remember that, next time someone's all up in your grille about "fairness," "equal rights," "societal leanings," or "misogyny," you can just say: "Nah G, I gots reasons!"